First-Time Obedience: How do we train our children to this standard?

Part 2 of 2

In Part 1 of our discussion on First-Time Obedience, we identified what it is and why it is important. In this section, we will focus on how to train our children in first-time obedience. First, let’s define the goal. The goal of first-time obedience is that children respond immediately and completely when given an instruction by Mom, Dad, or any delegated authority. Below are practical steps to help train children in this important habit.

Create a Calm Environment

Plan to train during times of non-conflict. When teaching your child something new, choose a time when they are well-rested, fed, and not already frustrated. Children learn best in calm environments, not in moments of correction.

Set clear expectations. Use simple and direct language to explain what you expect. For example: “Today we are going to practice what it looks like to have first-time obedience. When you are playing, mommy is going to call you and you aren’t going to want to stop playing, but I want you to come right away – even though you don’t want to. Let’s try it.”

Add an element of fun. For younger children, learning can be reinforced through songs and games. For example, you might sing:

I will obey the first time.
I will obey right away.
Never asking why?
Never with a sigh.
I will obey right away.

Practice Regularly. Set aside time each day to practice first-time obedience. Once you are confident your child understands the expectation, begin expecting them to respond appropriately. For example, “Let’s practice getting ready for school. When Mommy calls your name, I want you to come right away and say, ‘Yes mommy!’

Praise Success

Praise First-Time Obedience: Acknowledge and celebrate when children obey completely but resist reward systems. We want our children to do the right thing because it is the right thing, not because there is a prize (bribe) at stake.

No Reminders: If a child does not respond to an instruction, calmly approach them and ask them to repeat the instruction. Avoid raising your voice or showing frustration. For example, “What did daddy ask you to do?”

Clear Consequences. If a child fails to obey, ensure they understand the consequence beforehand and that it is consistently enforced. Examples may include a brief time-out or the loss of a privilege. Avoid giving consequences that you do not intend to enforce. For example, saying, “If you don’t obey, you won’t get to go to Disney with us,” when the trip is already booked.

Pray with Your Child

Finally, pray with and for your children as they learn first-time obedience. Ask for wisdom, patience, and grace as you guide them.

Parenting principles in this post are adapted from the teachings of Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo in their book, Growing Kids God’s Way.