This is the first of a two-part series on training our children in obedience. 

What is it and Why is it Important? 

During the early grammar school years (JK-2), we place a strong emphasis on first-time obedience. We define first-time obedience as a child doing what we ask right away, all the way, and with a happy heart.

You may wonder if that is even possible. After all, you just spent the last 15 minutes trying to convince your 5-year-old to go and put on his or her coat and shoes for school. Who can blame them? Playing with toys is far more fun than getting ready to leave! Eventually, you give up, walk them to the door, put on his or her coat yourself, and wrestle their feet into shoes. What would this scenario look like if your child were trained to respond with first-time obedience? Let’s break it down step-by-step.

Right Away

“Charlie, please put on your coat and shoes – we need to leave.”

Right away means that when you give an instruction, Charlie will immediately move toward his coat and shoes – without reminding, begging, yelling, physically moving him, or threatening to take away his dessert.

All the Way

Charlie immediately walks to his coat and shoes and doesn’t become distracted by anything else; he completes the task fully – putting on both his coat and shoes as instructed.

With a Happy Heart

In this case, Charlie puts on his coat and shoes without grumbling or complaining. Perhaps he is even happily singing a new song he learned at school.

Does it sound too good to be true? It isn’t, but it does take intentional work. Before discussing the “how”, let’s consider why first-time obedience is important.

A Matter of Safety

Ephesians 6:1-3 encourages parents and children to, “…obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’ (this is the first commandment with a promise), ‘that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” First-time obedience can keep us, and our children, safe.

Imagine you are on a family vacation, hiking through the mountains. Charlie runs ahead, collecting sticks. As you approach the first breathtaking views, you don’t see any barriers – are there cliffs ahead? You call out,“Charlie, STOP!” Will Charlie stop or will Charlie think, “Mommy usually says it three or four times before she really means it.” In dangerous situations, delayed obedience can have serious consequences.

A Matter of Authority

While safety is important, we must first determine who the authority is in our lives and our children’s lives. Who is the authority in your life? As a Christian, we would say God is the authority. Who is the authority in your child’s life? We know that it is God, but it is also the parents as we are called to, “Train up our children in the way they should go and when they are old, they will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6).

One way we establish this authority is by training and expecting first-time obedience. By doing this, parents are actually modeling first-time obedience, and therefore we are obeying God. In his book, Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles Than Can Radically Change Your Family, Paul Tripp writes,

“One of the foundational heart issues in the life of every child is authority. Teaching and modeling the protective beauty of authority is one of the foundations of good parenting.”

Tripp beautifully describes parenting as one of God’s primary tools for spiritual formation – not only for children, but for parents too!

How This Relates to Education

When children learn to respond “right away, all the way, and with a happy heart” to the authority at home – the transition to in loco parentis, the new authority that teachers are granted in place of the parents, will be much smoother. Furthermore, when students are characterized by having first-time obedience, the boundaries are clear and students will be ready to receive instruction and to grow in wisdom and virtue.

So, how do you teach first-time obedience? Stay tuned for Part 2, where we will explore practical steps for cultivating first-time obedience in the home.